Destroyer of all competitors. You will eat my gumbo and wish to eat nothing else for the rest of your life. 

Ever seen The Bear? I was the inspiration. When the pitch was presented, I declined any involvement. A chef who has never made a single mistake makes for poor television. Apparently they wanted to show someone struggle to achieve success. That’s an unfamiliar concept to me.

Despite what you may have been told, Ratatouille is actually French for Clancey. Remy is my middle name. When designing the beloved film, I told the animators that no artist could ever replicate the beauty I bring to a kitchen. I directed them to instead go with a rat, as a joke. Even my jokes achieve fame.

I pay Emeril Legasse to distract the south and appear to be the top chef of New Orleans, just so I can stay away from the public eye. 

The late Paul Prudhomme, another famous NOLA chef, realized he could never achieve my level of cooking. His published cause death is very mysterious, but I will tell you the truth here. Paul was so satisfied after tasting my gumbo that he exclaimed, “This is the single greatest dish I have ever consumed. I have now experienced all that I care to experience in this life. I hope this dish carries me to heaven.” Lord rest his soul.

Challenge me and you’ll win a Darwin Award. You have been warned.